The First Encounter
by UrbanTunes
Summary: The Halcyon - Toby&Adil. Short bedroom talk story about Toby&Adil's first time together. Toby has never considered himself worthy or even capable of love. But with Adil, everything suddenly seems possible. This man's love will change Toby's life forever.


"Hello, Toby," Adil said, straightening Toby's tie tenderly. Toby felt his knees shake slighly. He plucked up all his courage and leaned forward until his lips touched Adil's. It was exhilarating – sweet and surreal. He felt he had to reassure himself of the reality of the situation, so he broke away from the kiss to look at Adil. He was really there, so close that Toby could feel his breath on his cheeks. His dark eyes were narrowed slightly as he smiled shyly at Toby.

It was this look that made Toby's insides melt completely. He smiled back and leaned in again. This time, he did not draw away quickly. He never wanted to let go again - ever.

After a while, Toby felt his knees buckle. He steered Adil towards the bed and they lay down next to each other, panting, their lips never losing contact. Finally, Adil whispered Toby's ear, his breath sending goosebumps down Toby's back, "I'd like to… touch you. Can I?"

A vague sense of unease stole into Toby's mind. He couldn't remember ever dropping his guard like this before. What was more, he had never been intimate with anyone – he had no sense of control over the situation whatsoever. "Won't it hurt?" he gasped.

The second he had uttered the words, he regretted them. They must have sounded awfully childish! What must Adil think of him? One look at Adil's face, however, sufficed to reassure him completely. The expression on his face was like a tender caress. "I won't hurt you. I promise," Adil whispered. Toby closed his eyes and nodded. And then, he let go.

Later, as they lay side by side under the covers of Toby's bed, their faces and chests beaded with sweat, their fingers intertwined, Adil suddenly sighed deeply and said, "I am still not sure whether I am dreaming or not… I've been fantasizing about this for so long, and now I am actually here. With you..."

Now that the ecstatic emotions of the past hour were abating, a nagging worry lifted its head in Toby's mind. He frowned. Adil looked at him quizzically. "Are you alright?" he asked. "Yes, of course," Toby murmured. "I just don't understand. Why… why me?"

To his surprise, Adil chuckled, as if the question were ridiculous. "Oh, there are so many reasons!" he said. "Your looks, your sophistication, your intellect, your eloquence, good heart..." Toby felt the heat rise in his cheeks. "But I think your most charming attribute," Adil continued, "is your modesty. It genuinely seems like you have no idea how wonderful, how desirable you are." He laughed a bit more at Toby's look of incredulity. "See?" he went on. "This is exactly what I mean. You don't even believe me. It makes me want to show you what I see when I look at you. To make you see yourself through my eyes."

Toby leaned into his pillow, frowning more deeply still. His mind was reeling – he was forced to reconsider the fundamental hypothesis underlying his very sense of self. Up to this point in his life, he had been trying to analyse himself in the only way he really knew – his awkwardness, his alienation, his loneliness.

{Toby Hamilton} is a subset of {the mind}.

i.e., Toby Hamilton is a creature of the mind. Toby Hamilton excels at matters of the mind.

And:

{Toby Hamilton} is not a subset of {love}

i.e. Toby Hamilton is unworthy of love. Toby Hamilton is incapable of love.

But his premise had been wrong. He had not considered all the variables! At this moment, it seemed possible, even probable that he would not be forced to choose between mind and love. Perhaps there could be both, even for him.

For the first time, he started feeling about himself like he did about logics. At ease, in control. He opened his eyes and turned over, so that he could look at the beautiful man lying next to him. He made a conscious effort to imprint the image firmly into his brain. In his memory, he would come back to this moment, this sensation, this clarity, again and again, he was sure of it. Life would never be the same again.


End file.
